I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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