I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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