just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
