he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
