I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
