I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
