So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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