he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
