I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
