I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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