You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
