my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
