Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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