I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
