The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need water and some morals
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
