pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
