She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I forget how to act sober
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
