come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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