my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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