All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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