I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
