I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
