Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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