before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
