Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
