I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My feet surprised me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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