Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
