She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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