Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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