Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
