your thong is hanging out like whoa
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
