OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
