she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
