a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
