those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
