I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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