i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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