Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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