Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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