The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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