Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
