Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he puts the penis in happiness.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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