Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
its liver damage thursday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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