Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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