I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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