Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
