My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
