when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
