WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
