mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
