You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
