I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
