I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
