If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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