I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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