break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
