I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Small penises have feelings too.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
