Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're like the curious george of whores
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
