That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
