Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
