Got a toothbrush?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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