so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He? As in you personified your dick?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
