How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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