3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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