I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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