I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
